For Canadian school kids , the res publica ’s history involves tedious tales of explorers stuff canoe between mosquito - overrun rivers as they ruminate what or whom to consume . aside from the unexpended clash between the French and English , stories of fur trading routes being established and channel being dredged are among the juicer bits . Being situated where we are does n’t help : When you compare a tale of starving pioneer curse destiny as they turn into popsicles to , say , the Civil War , it ’s tough for even the most loyal Canucks not to be a bit jealous .
But while it ’s unlikely that Canadian history will ever inspire a Hollywood blockbuster , here we present eight unknown tarradiddle from our nation ’s inglorious past that would , at the very least , make for decent government - funded movies .
1. INDEPENDENT REPUBLIC OF MANITOBAH
The federal Dominion of Canada was founded July 1 , 1867 , but present - mean solar day Manitoba was n’t yet part of it . It was know as Rupert ’s Land , and own by North America ’s former commercial corporation , Hudson ’s Bay Company , a pelt - trading outfit that is presently a second like Target but less glamourous .
Scottish - gestate Thomas Spence ’s settlement in Portage la Prairie , Manitoba ( 100 miles from the present North Dakota border ) fell outside all recognized jurisdictions , rendering it in event lawless . Politically sharp Spence convinced settler that security would lie in in the formation of a recognized council , and who better to lead it than him ? The Independent Republic of Manitobah was abide , with Spence as its president .
The Scotsman set about assay to collect revenue enhancement from residents — and confused fur traders who occur by — to fund the grammatical construction of a council family and pokey . One cobbler refused to pay , call Spence and his council a caboodle of inebriate who used tax money for legal profession yellow journalism . cense by that kind of sauce from one of his subjects , Spence sent two of his " deputies " to hold back the cobbler for treason , and eventually tried him in one of his constable ' home . The cobbler ’s acquaintance intervened and the " trial " deteriorated into a brawl , with the Republic ’s Chief Executive cowering under a table once the revolving door came out .
The Republic fell last and forever when Spence received a alphabetic character from the Colonial Minister in London informing him that neither he nor his commonwealth had any status whatsoever and to pink the whole , blinking affair off .
2. OH, BROTHER XII, WHERE ART THOU?
One of Canada ’s most notorious cult account had a union - like arc — starting with visual sensation of sexual love and promises of mutual betterment and ending in acrimony over money and sex . Edward Arthur Wilson was a British - yield secret and ocean master who began induce visions in 1924 and come to believe that an Egyptian spiritual master was guide him .
rename himself Brother XII , Wilson decide he needed a colony — what he visit the " Ark of Refuge"—to prepare masses for the get along Age of Aquarius , but first he needed the hard currency to pay for it . Enter gullible Californians who corrode up his lecture during a speak tour and bankrolled both his Ark of Refuge ( in Cedar , British Columbia ) and the Aquarian Foundation backing it .
By 1927 , the Foundation was raking in serious money . But latent hostility began to mount when it was hear that Brother ’s action in the " House of Mystery"—a construction meant for spiritual contemplation — were not so mysterious if you were conversant with the sounds of frenzied sexual love .
Other sex scandal followed , but the biggest complaints were over Brother ’s tyrannic handling of Foundation resources . Brother XII gain motor lodge case bring against him , but anathemize press say his was a rage centred on free love and bilking investor ( jolly accurate , it would seem ) led to the Foundation being unthaw in November 1929 . That did n’t hit Brother ’s wallet , though , as he had exchange much of the donated pecuniary resource into gold coins , sock them off in jar .
His partnership with a bullwhip - wielding sadist named " Madame Z " result in term for colonists move around from creepy and unpleasant to backbreaking and unendurable . They finally rebelled , drafting what has to be the deplorable " contract of independence " of them all . Brother XII and Madame Z fled with their gold in 1932 , destination never confirm .
3. TOUGH LACROSSE TO BEAR
Lacrosse has the sad appellative of being Canada ’s " national summertime sport " and , like the wintertime one , it necessitate high - speed missile being shoot around and tooth getting tap out . It derive from the Native American " baggataway , " which had no rules and was so brutal that chiefs would use games to give warrior a taste of conflict hell .
But the most violent game in the sport ’s history was wager on June 4 , 1763 . Two Ojibwe top dog invited George Etherington , the British commander of Fort Michilimackinac , to catch a game between the Ojibwe and Sauk tribes . It would be something special to lionize King George ’s birthday that daylight , they said . Etherington hush anyone who questioned his determination to accept . ( He was blissfully unknowing of the Fort Detroit siege happening at the same time . ) Etherington and several of his soldiers left the safety of the garrison — and their weapons — behind to find out and bet on the secret plan .
As the plot progressed , it lead unnoticed that the aboriginal char milling about were prune more for the dead of winter than the midriff of summer . The understanding for this fashion pick became apparent when the ball entered the fortress compound . The women opened up their heavy blankets and expire off hatchet and knives to their gentleman’s gentleman . It was game on of a unlike type as the tribesmen set about the whipping , killing at least 27 work force both alfresco and within the fort . Etherington , whose galling credulity was part to blame for the gore , live after being redeem .
4. Toronto’s Disastrous First Hanging
Canada ’s last execution occurred in Toronto in 1962 , involve two homo strung up for a couple of really ill - time murders . Toronto ’s first wall hanging occurred more than 150 yr prior , in 1798 . A tailor key John Sullivan was toast whiskey with his friend , a ne’er - do - well distinguish Michael Flannery make out for spouting off in Latin . The two ran out of money , so “ Latin Mike ” counterfeit a note worth about three shillings . The counterfeit was discovered and Latin Mike convey himself and his utter language to the U.S. , give Sullivan to look frontier jurist .
However , the city was only five years old at that spot and sure system of rules would take twelvemonth to perfect — such as breaking a man ’s neck with a R-2 . While the townspeople were eager for the weekend entertainment a hanging would provide , none of them volunteered to be hangman . alas for Sullivan , he was sharing the clink with a guy call McKnight , who was more than happy to help out for a pardon and $ 100 — or approximately 100 time more than the sum earlier involved in the offense . fresh to the business , McKnight was order to have taste and fail twice to tie the noose aright with even Sullivan getting vocally frustrated before , well , he was beyond the kingdom of complaints .
5. OUR VERY OWN ASSASSINATION
American history is so full of political blackwash that the U.S. might want to look at administering the Oath of Office in a bank building vault . But only one Union politician has ever been assassinated in Canada : Thomas D’Arcy McGee , an Irish - assume newspaperman turn legislator .
Returning from a late dark parliamentary session in the bounce of 1868 , McGee fumbled for the winder to his Ottawa boarding house . Before he could open up it and finish smoke his cigar , a .32 calibre slug snap through his cervix and jaw .
The assassination was linked to members of the Fenian Irish Independence Movement in New York , a grouping that was fain to use crimson means to overthrow the Canadian government and who McGee had warned to stay on out of Canada . Dozens of Irish immigrant were rounded up before one of them , Patrick James Whelan , was charged with the crime . He was subjected to a kangaroo court with the prime minister at the time and a champion of the victim , John A. Macdonald , sitting beside the judge , and one of the jurywoman heard to say prior to jury selection that he wanted to see Whelan hang .
Dispatched to the gallows with Judge Judy - similar haste — the trial lasted only eight days — he was another inauspicious victim of bad hanging practices , lingering in front of thousands of onlooker for four agonizing minutes .
6. SITTING BULL AND THE MOUNTIE
Who state that the American West had all the badasses ? On May 8 , 1877 , about a year after Sioux warriors saw to it that General Custer would stand no more , aCanadian Mountie named James Walshand half a twelve of his men rode into a camp of about 5000 of Sitting Bull ’s tribesmen in what is now Saskatchewan . ThatSitting Bullcould have embellish the prairies with his guts surely must have occurred to Walsh , but he want to verify they respected " the law of nature of the White Mother [ Queen Victoria ] , " promising clean discussion in turn .
Sitting Bull check , and the strangest sidekick account in Canadian frontier account began . The Mountie maintain the boss , who he matte was misrepresented as bloodthirsty following Little Big Horn . Walsh , in bend , endear himself to Sitting Bull by not conspiring to have him expelled or murdered .
But tenseness did burst out up . Sitting Bull approach Walsh on one occasion to criticize The White Mother for being stingy with supplying . The two quarreled , Sitting Bull went for his six-gun , but the Mountie managed to seize the head and contrive him out of the cabin . When he tried to stand , he got a kick to the Sitting Bull for his trouble . Mounties were still staggeringly outnumbered , so this would have seemed suicidal , but after a brief stand - off Sitting Bull backed down .
The two put the incident behind them and their friendship continued until Prime Minister John A. Macdonald transferred Walsh , enounce he was overly appealing to the chief . Sitting Bull , upon learning of the move , was said to have been distraught and know his days in Canada were numbered .
7. JUMBO-SIZED LEGACY
Arguably the most famed elephant of all fourth dimension , Jumbo was a prize London attraction before PT Barnum purchased him from Queen Victoria against the indirect request of cry nestling who transmit thousands of letters in dissent . yet Jumbo was sent across the pool to become part of Barnum ’s travel North American circus — and Canadian history .
The latter would never have find had Jumbo not decease in a small townsfolk in Ontario in 1885 , killed , grant to reports , by an oncoming wagon train . That small townsfolk , St Thomas , would feast off the demise — both literally and figuratively — for years to come .
TheOttawa Citizenpublished a alphabetic character in which a charwoman recounts her not bad - granddaddy ’s remembering of the 24-hour interval after the clangoring . Local butchers cut up the carcase so that stuffer could stuff its skin and its skeleton could go on exhibit in a museum . No instructions were given for the meat , which was put in a giant funeral funeral pyre for fear it would rot . The tantalizing smelling of roasted tusker filled the air and many , the woman ’s big - grandpappy include , came by with a fork and labor in .
A century after that fiesta in 1985 , St. Thomas reaffirmed its auspicious ties to the elephant ’s wild death by unveiling a lifespan - sized statue of the beast during a lark about " Jumbo Days " celebration . The town ’s Railway City Brewing continues that custom , queerly proclaiming that , “ When you raise your glass of Dead Elephant Ale , you will savour everything that Jumbo was and became . ” An overwork animal and the strangest Canadian lunch core ever ? No thanks .
8. THE CIRCUS RIOT
In the summertime of 1855 , Toronto did n’t require its mayor to give it a reputation for vice . Back then it was a apace expand frontier town wedge full of house of ill repute . More class favorable amusement was tough to come by , so when the American SB Howes ' Star Troupe Menagerie & Circus came to town , the performing artist did well .
After one performance , the circus ' clowns opted for a bordello hoyden . They did not opt their patch sagely . The bagnio was the prefer meeting place of the Hook & Ladder Firefighting Company , who only a few hebdomad prior had batter another crew competing with them to put out a hell . ( That was call " The Firemen Riot"—in a month this crew would havetwo riotsnamed after them . ) contingent are sketchy on what go down off the incident , but before you could say " Get this giant shoe out of my butt , " the clowns were thrashing the firemen , insure brothel dominance for the night .
The fireman were part of the Orange Protestant power complex body part rife in Toronto then , and the stick to daytime they went to the fairground where the clowns were staying , bent on on payback . A bunch joined in the ravishment and the beating the carnies take was so brutal that some of them jumped in Lake Ontario to scarper . Protestant - understand law did nothing to stop it , which would lead to an prescribed inquiry and a total overhaul of the strength .
Noel Boivin and Christopher Lombardo are the writer ofThe Man Who Scared A Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery(Penguin , 2007 ) and more recentlyTastes Like man : The Shark Guys ' Book of Bitingly Funny Lists . Check them out atTheSharkGuys.com .
