Товарищи ,
awful news . Project Gizmodnik , our superb plan to on the QT infiltrate the U.S. tech media for the glorification of Matushka Rossiya ’s Great Leader Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump and/or the destruction of global capitalist economy * , has been compromised by American “ tops spy ” Eric Garland .
Fellow deep cover Russian operative , you may recall Garland as the self - declare intelligence service expert whorose to Twitter fameby send incomprehensible strings of emoji - laden , amphetamine - stokedconspiracy theory blaming our mother country for every single effect run to Trump ’s election . ( He alsofell , hard , for the internet meme claiming the White House created a TV program for Trumpcalled the “ Gorilla Channel . ” ) But we have underestimated this human beings , to our keen embarrassment .
Yes , work only from New York Times author Mike Isaac ’s determination to nip an clause from our sister situation Splinterquestioning the credibility of Michael Wolff ’s bookon Trump ( thanks , Mike ) , Garland has uncovered an elaborate story in which Gizmodo Media Group is working in collusion with Univision , Peter Thiel , Jorge Ramos , unidentified spiritualist executives , and Daddy best himself to … something something … Russian disinformation military operation . ( Thielsecretlyfundeda causa that led to the bankruptcy of Gizmodo ’s former owner Gawker Media . )
It ’s all very smart and devious and you probably would n’t understand how or why we went to the effort of … something something … Gorilla Channel … Russia … Trump .
tough of all , once fellow Project Gizmodnik operatives were alerted that our cover has been blown , they have broken off contact , feigned ignorance , or frantically concede to their role in various FSB / GRU plots . All this , seemingly in the misguided belief that they might escape Garland ’s deadly clasp , or that he will show mercy to the United States ’ enemies . You cowards .
https://twitter.com/embed/status/949840510025428992
https://twitter.com/embed/status/949728252788011008
With Gizmodnik compromised and our operation in total disorderliness , it has fallen to me to burn off our various illicit documents , wipe the Kinja servers of all incriminating grounds , and destroy the krokodil lab we set up up in the basement to wash rubles .
This post will self - destruct in fifteen second . С Рождеством , мои друзья .
- Whichever comes first .
Donald TrumpRussiaSocial mediaX ( Twitter )
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